I am discouraged... So discouraged...

Why did God place me in MMU?

Why did He choose to separate me from my friends?

Am I even really cut out for this?

At times I just feel like giving up...

At times I just feel like surrendering...

At times I just let myself be washed away by the waves that continuously pound me...

Is He seriously planning to isolate me?

I can't even go to events that I want to go because of this accursed place...

I can't go to Royal Rangers Survival Camp this week...

I can't go for missions at the end of the year because of the accursed schedule...

I can't even gather with my friends from secondary school!

I just feel so discouraged...

Nothing ever seems to go right...

It's like even He is stopping me from doing what I am able to do...

I just...

Seriously...

Feel...

Like...

Giving...

Up.

I felt like I just died on the inside.

I felt like a piece of me just got ripped away by God.

Without them, then who am I?!

I am so lost...

Am I truly supposed to be here?

If I am, then why am I suffering?

If I am, then why am I crying?

If I am, then why am I so discouraged?

I. Just. Want. To. Give. Up.

But God doesn't even give me that pleasure.

So I keep pressing on...

Pressing on...

Pressing on...

Without a purpose whatsoever...

P/S: I am crying while writing this.